I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize