We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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