Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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