Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
