Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize