Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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