Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yo dont text me then not text me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
