The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
