I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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