just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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