...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
