operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
