how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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