Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
