well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
