The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
