I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
