Plan B is the new Plan A
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
