woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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