FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
