is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
