to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
