So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think weed is turning my hair brown
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
