She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
