I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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