And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
