Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
