I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
