The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
