Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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