Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
me + whiskey = a bad person
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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