Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
