i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish I only lived at night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
