He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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