it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
