U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I pour the whiskey from now on
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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