She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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