He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
