I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
