Need sex. Gaining weight.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
