I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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