yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
