So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
