Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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