My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize