I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
