just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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