Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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