So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
