youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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