I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
