I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
