I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The Olympian is in my bed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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