My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize