A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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