how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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