I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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