I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you win again, gameday.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
