I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
