I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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