Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
