party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
