I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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