I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
