Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
