things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
