pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
