Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
