just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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