My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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