Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize