Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
