at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
