doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
