oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
