people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
