god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm at about main and main street
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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