There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
